It’s been a long emotional week!
I am doing better since my last blog, I have had time to sit, think, pray and talk about everything I have been feeling. I am excited for my future and everything that it holds but I am also scared the security I once felt is on rocky ground, my parents have always provided for me, I have always had a sense of security and I don’t know if I will still have that after this summer. Especially since I know that with the wonderful amazing job I have, I cannot fully support myself!
I was reading in my devotional this week and one of the days was talking about the pauses and breaks in a musical melody, the ones we usually don’t pay attention to, but to the writer they are what make the song, and how our lives in Christ are a musical melody. The pauses and breaks are perfectly planned by God, and we should see those pauses and breaks as times to be called aside to sit at His feet.
So I enter a new stage of my relationship in Christ...fully having to rely on Him, I know that it’s not going to easy, but I know that He is faithful!!!!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Future.........AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The future is a pretty scary word right now! I dont know what mine holds, no one really does, but the fact that mine has so many unknowns scares me.
My mom will be moving this summer and I dont know if I will be moving too and that is what terrifies me!! I love my job, school is okay, and my friends are the best... I cant leave it all behind because of the choices my parents made and I had no choice, no once asked me if this is what I wanted, I know that it was their marriage, and it was praobaly for the best at least for now, but they still didnt ask what I wanted!!! I know I need to talk to my parents but I cant it hurts too much, its so deep inside... I have put up a wall, a wall that only God can break down, I want him to break the wall, but then at times I dont, its safe here, my defenses are up and at times I feel no pain, but its cold and lonely... but it is better than feeling all of the pain at one time!
I dont know if this makes any sense, its all my thoughts thrown out there!
My mom will be moving this summer and I dont know if I will be moving too and that is what terrifies me!! I love my job, school is okay, and my friends are the best... I cant leave it all behind because of the choices my parents made and I had no choice, no once asked me if this is what I wanted, I know that it was their marriage, and it was praobaly for the best at least for now, but they still didnt ask what I wanted!!! I know I need to talk to my parents but I cant it hurts too much, its so deep inside... I have put up a wall, a wall that only God can break down, I want him to break the wall, but then at times I dont, its safe here, my defenses are up and at times I feel no pain, but its cold and lonely... but it is better than feeling all of the pain at one time!
I dont know if this makes any sense, its all my thoughts thrown out there!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
2009
My Christmas break is coming to an end:( The holidays have been very different this year, but somewhat the same thanks to my amazing friends!
I greatly enjoyed having my best friend here, I needed to see her so much:) There is nothing like a best friend who knows you!!
My time has either been with my BF, my wonderful friends and their cute kids or being a bum at home, I needed my vacation more than I can say!!! However I am not prepared for Monday (yikes) oh well it will get done, but I have a feeling Monday and Tuesday will be spent going over all the rules again and getting them back into the routine.
2009 is here weather we want it to be or not, I don’t know if I am ready for it to be here? My family will change once again this summer… but no matter how badly I don’t want it to happen, I can’t worry about tomorrow (even though it is so hard not to)!
My greatest desire for the year 2009 is that God will bring that special someone into my life, yes at times I am scared of love…scared of the pain, hurt and disappointment that sometimes comes with love, but I don’t want my fear to hold me back from God has planned for me!
So with much pray and focus on my Savior I enter 2009, scared but excited for the unknown the year will hold!!!
I greatly enjoyed having my best friend here, I needed to see her so much:) There is nothing like a best friend who knows you!!
My time has either been with my BF, my wonderful friends and their cute kids or being a bum at home, I needed my vacation more than I can say!!! However I am not prepared for Monday (yikes) oh well it will get done, but I have a feeling Monday and Tuesday will be spent going over all the rules again and getting them back into the routine.
2009 is here weather we want it to be or not, I don’t know if I am ready for it to be here? My family will change once again this summer… but no matter how badly I don’t want it to happen, I can’t worry about tomorrow (even though it is so hard not to)!
My greatest desire for the year 2009 is that God will bring that special someone into my life, yes at times I am scared of love…scared of the pain, hurt and disappointment that sometimes comes with love, but I don’t want my fear to hold me back from God has planned for me!
So with much pray and focus on my Savior I enter 2009, scared but excited for the unknown the year will hold!!!
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