Waiting!!

God has called me to wait on Him, Isaiah 40:28-31 He hasn’t just called to sit and wait but to actively wait in serving Him, I don’t wait very well I’m the girl who likes to get things done, dig in and find the simplest, fastest solution to a problem, but I cant do that with what I have labeled the new normal and its not going to be fast and easy!!! There is no easy fast way out, for the longest time I was looking for the emergency exit! I wanted out as fast as possible as far away from the pain as possible, but God had other ideas, over and over again He has called me to wait, but its been hard because when I wait the pain is there… I was watching a movie that had this song in it and I have been listening to it since… Its my hearts desire that as I wait for Him I can boldly serve Him!!

While I’m Waiting Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller “The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.
”I’m waitingI’m waiting on You, LordAnd I am hopefulI’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will waitI will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I waitI’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, LordAnd I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, LordThough it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will waitYes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
© 2007 Travelin’ Zoo Music (ASCAP) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

He Knows Best

It has already been a long week and it is only Wednesday!!!

I have many thoughts and emotions going on in my head right now!!!

Today was a wonderfully long day!!! But I needed today so badly, it was a rough day at work with one of my students, then one of my wonderful friends needed me to watch her kids, so I spent the rest of the day with her kids, it was so nice especially since her baby girl was soo cuddly, I knew I had other things I should have been doing, but have a cuddle bug all afternoon was just what I needed!!!! God always knows best, even when it is hard and you dont know if you will make it through to the next hour because the pain is like a storm, He knows best and His best is what is best for us no matter how much we may want things to change!

Trusting His Best for My Life!!!

Stressed and Emotional Not A Good Combination

So school started for me again today and I am beyond stressed and I have only gone to two of my five classes!!! Yes five classes I don’t have a choice unless someone wants to pay for the increase I will have in my car insurance!!!! Not only has school started but it’s also about that time of the month and my emotions are all over the place! I want to excel in school but I also want to excel at my job and I am afraid I can’t do both without losing my mind!!! There are already times when I feel as if I am failing as a teacher that I am not offering my students enough opportunities to thrive and learn! I know I am probably too hard on myself, but I am a perfectionist and I beat myself up for every tiny mistake, I guess I expect myself to be perfect and never make a mistake, I can’t do something with my full attention and devote the proper amount of time it deserves than I rather not do it!! That where I am at right now, it’s not that I don’t want to go to school I just want to do my best and devote as much time as possible without losing my mind!!!! Pray for me as I face another semester of school and working!!!!!!!!

Too Tired to Blog!!!

So many thoughts are going through my head: here is the brief version: I am so sensitive and emotional right now that I can’t even think clearly, I have too many boys at work in my two classes I teach!! I still have to do my taxes and I don’t want to!! I have no voice again.... well it’s there just barley, I do love my job, I just wish I had the time to stay in bed all day (just for one day)!! Good Night!!! One day closer to the weekend!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts For Today :)

It’s been a long emotional week!

I am doing better since my last blog, I have had time to sit, think, pray and talk about everything I have been feeling. I am excited for my future and everything that it holds but I am also scared the security I once felt is on rocky ground, my parents have always provided for me, I have always had a sense of security and I don’t know if I will still have that after this summer. Especially since I know that with the wonderful amazing job I have, I cannot fully support myself!

I was reading in my devotional this week and one of the days was talking about the pauses and breaks in a musical melody, the ones we usually don’t pay attention to, but to the writer they are what make the song, and how our lives in Christ are a musical melody. The pauses and breaks are perfectly planned by God, and we should see those pauses and breaks as times to be called aside to sit at His feet.

So I enter a new stage of my relationship in Christ...fully having to rely on Him, I know that it’s not going to easy, but I know that He is faithful!!!!!!!

Future.........AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The future is a pretty scary word right now! I dont know what mine holds, no one really does, but the fact that mine has so many unknowns scares me.

My mom will be moving this summer and I dont know if I will be moving too and that is what terrifies me!! I love my job, school is okay, and my friends are the best... I cant leave it all behind because of the choices my parents made and I had no choice, no once asked me if this is what I wanted, I know that it was their marriage, and it was praobaly for the best at least for now, but they still didnt ask what I wanted!!! I know I need to talk to my parents but I cant it hurts too much, its so deep inside... I have put up a wall, a wall that only God can break down, I want him to break the wall, but then at times I dont, its safe here, my defenses are up and at times I feel no pain, but its cold and lonely... but it is better than feeling all of the pain at one time!

I dont know if this makes any sense, its all my thoughts thrown out there!

2009

My Christmas break is coming to an end:( The holidays have been very different this year, but somewhat the same thanks to my amazing friends!

I greatly enjoyed having my best friend here, I needed to see her so much:) There is nothing like a best friend who knows you!!

My time has either been with my BF, my wonderful friends and their cute kids or being a bum at home, I needed my vacation more than I can say!!! However I am not prepared for Monday (yikes) oh well it will get done, but I have a feeling Monday and Tuesday will be spent going over all the rules again and getting them back into the routine.

2009 is here weather we want it to be or not, I don’t know if I am ready for it to be here? My family will change once again this summer… but no matter how badly I don’t want it to happen, I can’t worry about tomorrow (even though it is so hard not to)!

My greatest desire for the year 2009 is that God will bring that special someone into my life, yes at times I am scared of love…scared of the pain, hurt and disappointment that sometimes comes with love, but I don’t want my fear to hold me back from God has planned for me!

So with much pray and focus on my Savior I enter 2009, scared but excited for the unknown the year will hold!!!